i need an iv and a liver transplant
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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