I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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