You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We had to coat check the pizza.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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