Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize