You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
