I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's rum buckets o'clock
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
