I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
