I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
