dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
