he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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