There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
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