I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
