...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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