drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We named our party play list daddy issues
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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