Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just pee around me
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
