Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
