We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
BRING THE BAGELS
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
