i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
