Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
