Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
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