i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
