omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
