how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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