i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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