wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
