I wish I could teleport
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
