Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
