She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
This toilet bowl is my home.
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