your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
