i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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