I hate all girls vehemently.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
