matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize