So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
