No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
