Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
