So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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