Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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