Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize