I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
