WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
