ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
