YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
