that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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