when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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