WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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