Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
