I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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