I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
