he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I looked at my own cervix.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
