It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
