Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I forgot how hot balto sounded
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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