Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
