I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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