A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Alive.
So much puke
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
