So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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