what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm like, not good at living.
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