I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize