Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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