wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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