these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
