Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Blood and glitter go together right?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize