you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
