it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
