i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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