Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You're like the curious george of whores
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
