Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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