i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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