yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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