Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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