watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize