OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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