I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
