I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
