He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
