I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
