The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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