I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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