so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
