now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just blew my weed a kiss
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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