ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize