the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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