Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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