I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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