I don't usually arrange sex via text message
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize