I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
