Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
