She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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