Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
