i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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