I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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