i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
