They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
