one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
