It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
