sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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