i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
