Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
