wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
