dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
